hell am i?

what life had i lived and which life will i continue. i have found the love of my life but i am still living in this shell of mine. i am messed up already, philosophically, religiously and even as a human being. i feel that i had lived my past 20 years wrong. im keeping my spirits up but my morale is so low. i bring bad tidings to good people, am i sent from hell? did i turn out to be someone i hate in the first place? i turned from a strong person, then realising my weakness is so deep now. like only a hard shell. im so robotic, and i used to be so proud of it. almost feels like i woke up one day and realising beneath my skin are wires and gears, a self conscious robot. i am not, i have no metal in me. how can relationships flip, love turn into hate. so many sadful things happening all around. plus i am so powerless and i can only be a weeping bystander. scared if i cared, but wrongly i will cut their wounds deeper. am i such a anti social idiot who can't even not do anything bad socially? i can dun bring comfort, but not pain? i am cursed. im not even good at school, i say i am passionate but hell im stuck. is it that i can't acheive, and using responsibility as an excuse i have no strong passion now? my half heartedness stemmed from perfectionism. its a mechanical response to survive... adapt to my own character. live normal? maybe i do feel i am not normal at all, only now, in a bad way... i've abandoned almost everything for love, and i still feel im not as crazy about love as i should be. am i really holding back? i need, to. go. somewhere far to live on my own if it will come to it. life. one chance?

This entry was posted by K, on Thursday, June 28, 2012. You can leave your response.